You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
