I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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