sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
