My liver just broke up with me...
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I want her autograph on my taint
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
