I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
