I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
