I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
