Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
