so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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