Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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