i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
