Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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