You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
People with herpes should wear stickers.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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