He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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