Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
