I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
