She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Operation Purity has been aborted
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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