I think I died a long time ago.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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