This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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