get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
