I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We need to rekindle our bromance
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
