i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize