Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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