i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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