hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
