My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
