This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
