Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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