cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
