I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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