found the other keg... it's in the tree
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
