There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There r osticjed everywhere
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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