i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
