I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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