im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize