Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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