He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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