My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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