Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
