He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
