Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
