No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize