no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize