Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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