I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
