it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
