Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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