It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
