He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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