My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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