mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
