my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
