I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize