we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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