my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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