he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
