You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize