Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
