Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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