I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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