Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
