Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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