I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
