I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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