We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
