cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
