i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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