yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Oh god it's open bar.
soo... how was my night?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
