Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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