Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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