Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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