we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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