Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
