Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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