I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
