You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
